It’s been a very bad week.
Been having health issues lately which just aren’t settling down, also, had some new troubles rear their ugly heads earlier on Tuesday. It’s funny how certain things from the past sometimes pop up back up in your life, just to say hello, leaving chaos and panic in their wake. Whenever I get stressed out, I tend to get sick. So I’ve had of a sort of vicious cycle going on these past 6 days.
I’ve always suffered from high-functioning anxiety… Actually, no, that’s not true. I’ve suffered from severe anxiety ever since I was a pre-teen. I was bullied at school you see, very badly so. It was mostly psychological abuse by school girls. They can be vicious I tell you! Some other, more personal stuff also happened along the way, during my teen years, making my situation even more stressful. I try not to dwell the past much, but like it or not, it made my the person I am today. It made me a stronger person; more assertive and outspoken, more honest and straight forward, more adventurous, less likely to back down from a fight. It gave me one of my favourite qualities, my (slightly sarcastic) sense of humour, a coping mechanism which is entertaining at least! It also gave me low self esteem, a few anger management issues and my dear old friend, Anxiety. I over think things, replay my worries over and over and over in my head, creating new, even more threatening scenarios with every loop. I loose sleep, become ‘snippy and moody’, bite my nails and scratch my scalp habitually (and repeatedly) until it bleeds. I also tend to get sick. I suffer from Coeliac Disease, it’s an autoimmune condition, mainly related to the ingestion and negative reaction of our bodies to gluten. It also gives me a slightly weaker immune system to most, which, in my case, decides to crash on me when I get one of my anxiety attacks.
Most often I gradually settle down, even if my problems don’t. After years of coping with the way I am, I’ve learned how to deal with the panic and chaos that often goes on in my head. I try my best to relax, doing things I enjoy doing to keep the negativity from welling up, I TALK to the people I love about my worries, their reassurance always helps (especially when it’s coming from my mum or Tony) and I try to focus on something positive about my present situation, as well as short term goals to solve my current issues. “One day at a time” my mum says, every time I have one of my panic episodes. I try to focus on that. Taking on a problem on a day by day basis is so much easier than obsessing about what will happen in the future. I still struggle with this one, but I try my best.
That’s what I’m doing today, trying to focus on the positive things in my life. I have an amazing, beautiful extended family, a few amazing friends, I’m fairly healthy (barring my current situation, which is hopefully temporary!!), I have a roof over my head, the best pet cat on the planet (Tippy <3), food (delicious, magical food thanks to Anthony Aquilina, @Tony’s Foods) on the kitchen table every evening, and a pretty decent life! I also travel the world for fun (funds permitting) and write about it on my own Facebook Page. Something I only got the courage to do just a couple of years ago! That makes me quite lucky in retrospect. I try to remind myself of this whenever I get overwhelmed…
So, yes, it’s been a horrible week. But it will get better and life will go on!
Wishing you all a peaceful and restful weekend!